


The memory of you

by alvinna



Series: Swap AU shorts [3]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dissociation, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, swap au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvinna/pseuds/alvinna
Summary: “I can’t keep pretending like this!”The group pauses its trek down the empty corridor, all eyes turning to look at Benrey.“How could he forget about me?” Tears start rolling down his cheeks, voice getting increasingly upset. “Why doesn’t he FUCKING REMEMBER ME?”“W-who...who doesn’t remember you Benrey?” Darnold cautiously walks closer only to stop in his tracks when Benrey starts screaming.“HE FORGOT EVERYTHING. HE DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME. I GOT THIS STUPID FUCKING JOB JUST TO SEE IF HE’D REMEMBER BUT HE DOESNT.”
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Swap AU shorts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992076
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	The memory of you

**Author's Note:**

> Third part of the Swap AU series. This takes place just after the session cut off after Benrey tries to remind Gordon of their past. I wanted to try and flesh out the parts we didn't get to see in the session. As always, please check out Sweetmugs Swap AU if you haven't already. 
> 
> https://swap-hlvrai.tumblr.com
> 
> I also chose not to include the ask blog aspect in this story, it's too hard writing around messages on a phone so I just gave the lines to the science team, gives them something to do ;)
> 
> And as always, I've taken some liberties with their back story, I have no idea what's going to be canon or not but it's always fun to fantasise.

“I can’t keep pretending like this!”

The group pauses its trek down the empty corridor, all eyes turning to look at Benrey. 

“How could he forget about me?” Tears start rolling down his cheeks, voice getting increasingly upset. “Why doesn’t he  **FUCKING REMEMBER ME?** ”

“W-who...who doesn’t remember you Benrey?” Darnold cautiously walks closer only to stop in his tracks when Benrey starts screaming. 

“ **HE FORGOT EVERYTHING. HE DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME. I GOT THIS STUPID FUCKING JOB JUST TO SEE IF HE’D REMEMBER BUT HE DOESNT.** ”

“Wha-?” Gordon is confused by the shorter scientists' outburst. Just a second ago he was walking along with the group, maybe a bit quieter than usual but nothing he’s been worried about. “Benny?” He tries to get Benrey’s attention but to no avail. Benrey stands still, eyes fixed on the floor in front of him as fat tears roll down his cheeks. 

“Shhhh, shhh, let it all out bud. It's okay, we'll get this figured out. You're gonna have to tell us what you mean though.” Darnold makes another valiant attempt to comfort Benrey.

Gordon is very thankful for Darnold, he has a much better way with words than Gordon who feels woefully unequipped to deal with this kind of emotional outbursts. He decides to try anyway. 

“Yeah, Ben. Just, like, let it all out. We can, uh, find whoever–”

“You.” Benrey interrupts.

“Ha, yeah! It’s me B–”

“ **YOU FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT ME.** ”

Static sparks in Gordon’s mind. He registers the words but they don’t seem to connect with him. 

“W̶h̷a̴t̵?̶” The static flows from his brain and through his voice as he tries to speak. 

Dr. Coomer finally speaks up, stepping away from his usual spot beside Bubby to get closer to the crying man.

“Benrey...what do you mean? Have you met Gordon before Black Mesa?”

“He was my best friend.” Benrey hiccups and sobs out his answer, tears never stop flowing. “ **HE WAS- WAS MINE AND BARENY’S BEST FUCKING FRI–** ”

The lights suddenly flickers, a static noise erupting from somewhere in the corridor. The whole world seems to freeze frame for just a second. 

“B̶a̷r̷n̸e̵y̵.?” The name is said in unison, two voices buzzing with static. 

“Who…” But Dr Coomer doesn’t get any farther before the static drowns out all other sounds in the corridor. 

Both Benrey and Gordon fall to their knees on the floor, clutching their heads as the light flickers and their very beings seem to flicker with it. 

As sudden as it has started it stops. Lights turning back on and the static noise receding back to nothing. But Gordon doesn’t notice any of that. Doesn’t notice the trio of scientists rushing forward towards their fallen comrades. Doesn’t notice the concerned voices calling his name. Doesn’t notice how Benreys hand lands on his shoulder and squeezes. 

“W̴͔̖̘̋ͅh̶̢̛̫̥̜o?” 

In his mind are all static, thoughts and words impossible to formulate. Sudden images flash beneath it all. 

A smile, bright eyes looking up at him. The night sky and smoky breath curling through the air. 

He tries to grasp for these images. They’re important somehow. He...he needs to know. But as soon as he tries to move closer the static increases and suddenly it’s too big for his body. He expands, tries to make the body big enough to fit the agonizing feeling coursing through his mind.

“...don, GORDON!”

No, please. Don’t talk to him, not now. It hurts, it hurts so much.

“Dude, please. You have to get smaller. You’re gonna fucking crush someone.”

“L̵̬͙̎̊ḛ̴̫̆͝a̶̼̚v̶̖̒͗ȩ̸̗͐ ̸̨̛̌m̴̰̭͌e̸͔̕ ̶̈́͜a̸̙̐̇l̸͚̤̏́o̸̗͇̎n̸̖̈̓e̵͖̽” He manages to spit out the words through gritted teeth.

“I’m not leaving you like this Gordo. Don’t you get it? I’m here for you, I’ve always been here for you...only for you.”

A porch under the moonlight. The taste of beer on his tongue. Laughter.  _ Try everything once.  _ Soft lips on his own. 

Sensations course through his body, bringing with it another wave of pain. He sweeps his arm out, trying to get both the voice and the memories out of the way. He’s not supposed to know these things, that’s why it hurts, he’s not allowed. Not allowed. N̶͍̲̓̀Ö̸̦́̓T̷̍ͅ ̵̳̻̏́A̶͉͛L̵̖̄ͅL̶̜͔̓͗O̴̪̐W̸̰̄Ȇ̶̩̰̓Ḑ̷͗!

“GG PLEASE!”

Opening his maw he lets out a wordless scream which seems to shatter the static surrounding him. A memory rises from the depth, clear as a pane of glass. 

\---

He stands on a porch, the autumn air cold on his face. In the background he hears the din from the party still raging inside. 

“I’m just sayin’ that the impact it had on the cons- cols...machines is on the same level as God of War.” 

“Whatever man, I’m still not going to play it.”

“Boo! Gordon Booringman over here. C’mon you gotta give it a chance. Try everything once!”

Benrey is so cute like this, all wide shining eyes and flushed cheeks. He really can’t help himself.

“Everything huh?”

“At least once.”

He reaches down a hand, cupping the cool cheek, feeling the slight stubble beneath his thumb.

“Even this?”

Benrey’s eyes are dark as they meet his own, pupils blown so wide.

“Y-yeah...everything.”

He chuckles before dipping his head down, capturing the lips with his own. They are soft and tastes of the beer they both have been drinking and it’s the best kiss he’s ever had. 

\---

“Benrey?” He gasps for air, everything still hurts but in a way he recognizes. Like the ache you get after a long hike.

“I’m here buddy.”

An arm props him up as he tries to sit up.

“You ok there Gordo? You kinda scared the crap out of us there for a second. How’d you get so big?”

Before him sits Benrey. Eyes and cheeks still wet with the tears he’s spilled earlier. A look of concern on his face.

“Benrey.”

“Yeah, that’s my name Gordo. What do you need?”

What does he need? He needs to know how he ever could have forgotten Benrey. He needs him to know that he remembers. He needs to kiss him again.”

“I...you…” Talking is hard, his throat feels like it’s filled with sawdust. 

“Drink this Gordon.” Dr. Coomers voice breaks through the haze in his mind and a can of soda is pressed into his hand. Gordon doesn’t even bother to open it, instead he bites straight through the aluminum of the can and shotguns the sweet liquid. 

“Dude, that’s kinda awesome.”

The soda does wonder for the thickness in his throat and when the can is empty he gives talking another shot. 

“Try everything once.”

In front of him Benrey stills, tears welling up in his eyes again.

“What...what did you just say?”

“You told me that at that party remember?”

“Do…” Benrey trails off, hiccuping and wiping away tears. “...do you remember?”

“Yeah...I remember you Benrey.”

“ _ Oh... _ ” Tears are still falling down Benreys cheeks but he smiles and it’s the most beautiful thing Gordon’s ever seen. 

He leans forward, pressing their foreheads together, trying to convey all the feelings that wells and swirls within him by thought alone. He can’t stop whispering Barney’s name, like a mantra, like a prayer. Like he’s afraid it he’ll stop saying it out loud it will disappear from him again. 

The rest of the team gives them space. Only bothering them to guide them into an empty office for some much needed rest. Gordon never lets go of Benreys hand, not even when they are slumped down side by side, leaning against a wall. He doesn’t need to sleep but tiredness still envelops him as he watches Benreys breath even out. He never got to kiss him after all. Never mind that now, there is time for that later. For now he’s content just listening to Benreys quiet and steady breathing. He’ll kiss him in the morning. 

  
  



End file.
